It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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