Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
