She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
