She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
