i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
