Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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