He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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