He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
