I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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