i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
