Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
