I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
