i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I believe in your delicious
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
