do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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