I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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