I faked an abortion last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
