there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
