She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
