I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
