Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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