at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
