we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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