don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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