I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
