I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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