Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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