I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
