I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
