new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
