i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
