the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize