Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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