She's JV to your varsity
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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