Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
