bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
