Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
