We won't sleep together?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
