singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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