So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
