You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
