After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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