SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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