literally had 100 drinks last night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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