I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
