Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
