They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
