Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize