He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
