I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
