My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sarcasm needs its own font
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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