I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
