Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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