Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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