In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
