you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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