Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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