The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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