You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
