If that was your dad, he is hot
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize