Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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