Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
