Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
