2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
