New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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