Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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