ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
