What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
