he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
