So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it penis luge time yet?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize