She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And then he peed in my hair
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