if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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